Wednesday, June 18, 2008

An Inauspicious Anniversary

Today is the 7th anniversary of the day we found out our baby boy Zackery had died. I still want to kick myself for not having some sort of ritual or tradition or remembrance, but nothing ever worked or felt right. I'd give just about anything to have a grave to go to. But that's a whole other "keg of worms" as my mother would say.

So I'm thinking of my baby tonight. He would have looked just like Xander. But who would he have been? Someone too good for this world - that's all I know. This is the picture that I've chosen to represent him. A picture of where he is now.

I've waited another year to hold him. And I'll keep on waiting as long as I have to.


  1. oh julie, i remember that. darling, i love you; please go easy on yourself about your decisions, okay? i think you've chosen a lovely way to remember him.

  2. Every time I hear a story or see something you have written about Zachary, I always have tears in my eyes. I would have loved to see him and watched as he would have grown up in your family. I am sorry that nothing seems to work or be right about remembering him, but I think that just loving him and not forgetting him is enough.